My Dad sent me an email saying my blog had been silent for a long time and suggesting it was time for another session on Skype. And then he died.
So now here I sit downstairs back in England. It’s five in the morning and my Mum will wake up soon. I’m hungry and I hope she is too because I want to cook breakfast. Last night she finished the first meal she had eaten in the four days since he died - a supermarket lasagne that my cousin had left in the fridge.
There isn’t any way you can prepare yourself for this. You think you have because you know it will happen. It happens to everyone and everyone gets through it. But knowing it will happen is only a thought, an idea. Reality is different. Real. It comes at you from all directions, in different ways, at different times. All thoughts lead back to him.
Now I realize that he was always a link in all my trains of thought. But in the past that train would continue. Now it stops, dead.
23 Comments
Sorry to hear the news. My condolences.
Were you very close to your father? Did you feel like he did a good job raising you and that he cared for you? I wonder because I always have had a very rough relationship with my father. He was not such a good father but now that he is old he regrets how he behaved (and I do not mean he sometimes yelled at me or was cold… he behaved in a criminal and extreme manner with me) and tries to be nice and helpful. I still have trouble with liking him, though.
I’ve always loved your blog but never commented before. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Thanks for the condolences. Yes, Anderson, he was an excellent father. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.
Not so long ago, I distinctly recall that you did a post that stopped mid-way with a bold warning to your father that he stop reading because the material was about to become a bit racy (can’t recall the exact phrasing). Anyway, I can’t remember the post, but the admonition to your father made me smile, and quickly comes to mind. Said much about the closeness of your relationship, and how much your father must’ve enjoyed reading you. Sincere condolences.
Sorry to hear of your loss. Try to remember all the good things your father did for you and your family. In time it might help.
Oh Rob, I am so sorry for your loss. Our family is praying for you and your mother.
My condolences. Despite the bad news I am happy to see you post again; I’ve missed your updates. I read them regularly and remember your references to and warnings for father. That he looked for your posts (and you expected his commentary) is lovely.
Sorry to hear that. Your post really gave me the chills, I am often in the same situation where I don’t write for a while and I owe them a skype call. I read this post and thought: shit, this could be happening to me. Thanks for sharing and reminding me of the important things in life.
My sincere condolences, Rob.
My condolences.Praying for you and your mother.
Sorry for your family’s loss, Rob. Hang in there.
So sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
I’ve never commented here before but I read and like your posts very much.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Words are never enough, even from those of us who work with words every day.
Dear Rob,
my condolences, and I wish your mother, you, and all family and friends of your father strength and recovery.
Maybe he will remain a link in the train of your thought. A man’s life has to end sooner or later. Life will keep changing for those who are outlive him. And memory will stay.
All the best.
so sorry, this loss is such a crap thing. i had same experience over 10 years ago now ( i was in China then as I am now) and this only reminds me how great dads can be and the thing about being a link in the train of thought (and it stopping) rings true even now.
he has only slipped into the next room … all is well. (”All is well”, Henry Scott Holland)
My sincere condolences. I never commented before but I just wanna say I am sorry for your loss.
All the best wishes to you and your family.
Rob… I’m very sorry for your loss, and you have my sincere condolences.
Sincere condolences to you & your mom.
Rob, I was SO sorry to hear of the tragic and sudden loss of your dad. Just reading the condolences sent to you here on this site brings me to tears, and I sincerely hope that knowing you have such wonderful personal support from so many people whose lives you have touched will ease your pain, if only a little…
Look after your mum, and keep your memories alive. My thoughts are forever with you.
Yvonne
I was glad to see your blog alive again. Then read the first few words…
Very sorry for your loss.
Sorry, condolences
I feel bad to hear that Rob. May him rest in peace!
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